By: Courtney Ferguson
Lets face it. Pregnancy and parenthood isn't for the faint of heart. It tests you daily, swinging you from elation, to pulling your hair out, and everything in between. You will be very relieved for any sort of stability in your life, even if it is fleeting. To summarize, it is a very wild ride.
Diving head first into your new normal where everything is constantly changing, having a support network is crucial. If you have ever heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child", there is a reason for this. Support during your pregnancy, birth, and into parenthood lessens stress and helps build confidence. Let us talk about who can make up our village and what are some way they can help.
Support can come from so many different areas in our life. Most think of partners, family, and friends. They may be the foundation of your network, being there for the most intimate times and also available the more consistently then others. Even with this, you most likely will find yourself needing support that shows up in different ways. Communities are made up of different people that need to fill many roles. When creating your community, I want you to also think about how others will fill certain support roles in your life. This could be
Neighbors
Coworkers
Community members
Doulas
Midwives
Doctors
Childbirth Educators
Nurses
Lactation Consultations
Support Groups
Daycare Personnel
Therapists
Organizations
and many more
We have identified different people that could make up our village. Now what? Support comes in many different packages. What kind of support also changes with you while you grow. Just some examples of what support can look like would be
Being able to talk openly and without judgement
Helping with chores around the house
Making meals/ picking up groceries
Getting Education about what your going through
Physical comfort/ Touch
Help with baby when you need a break
Checking in on how your doing
etc......
Now here is were things can get a little tricky. What about situations were someone believes they are help you but what they are doing is creating more stress. This is the time when we make our boundaries and expectations clear. I know, boundaries can be scary. Its hard to tell someone not to do something, especially if we know that their trying to help. Setting boundaries does not have to be something that is negative or harsh. Letting people know what your expectations are can help them figure out what they can do to truly support you. It also helps protect you during a time that is very sensitive. Examples of setting boundaries would be:
People can only come over during certain times.
Having people wash their hands before holding baby.
Asking for people to not give you advice unless asked for
Only having people you want in the birth space
If you are someone who vaccinates, asking for people to be vaccinated before meeting baby.
Not smoking around you or baby
Not touching your belly without permission (One I had to enforce ALOT)
So on and so forth
You can workshop what boundaries work best for you and your family. Also know that it is okay to change your boundaries. If you're okay with something to begin with and later on you decide that it isn't something that works for you, you get to change your mind. Yes, it may upset some people, but if you have someone who wants to support you they with respect you and your boundaries.
Pregnancy, birth, and parenthood are not suppose to be experienced alone. This is a time were your community gets the opportunity to come celebrate and encourage you. This life changing event needs support and, let me shout this from a top of mountains, YOU DESERVE SUPPORT!!! Needing help does not make you a failure as a parent and it does not mean you can't do this. Everyone needs support during this time. Lean into it. Let it uplift you. You got this!
Love,
Courtney
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